fucked me up one side and down the other

She's brushing her teeth

putting makeup on in the car

cause she's been late to

everywhere she ever went.

She drives two hours to visit

a Muslim ex boyfriend 

every weekend. She is not,

but pretends for Ramadan

and Eid. For her eating disorder

and gifts and an ex boyfriend.

not for piety or discipline

  -even if that's the reason she says.

Keep her body, blond & blue eyes

And her children secret for him

Tells me he hardly ever hits anymore

Really, he hasn't spit on her in months

In fact, he's only called her a whore

Not that it's any of my business 

Afterall, I'm just a friend.

Upon meeting her some joke

    Was she named after the hurricane?

But I know,

     The hurricane was named after her.

In a literal, not literary way.

She's so tired. Scared to say no

to one weekend, two days rest &

in the dark does she remember 

what I said when she wakes up

to him on top of her again?

father's day

I'm just another white woman

who free-based cocaine in

a musty basement while

wearing my peasant dress.

"Don't let me do that again;

I like it too much." I said

to Darnell,  a felon sitting

next to me. At the time,

he seemed fatherly. 

My surprise when

he kept his word.

As a kid, Father's day 

was a strange holiday

people put in the way 

of my summertime fun.

At the time, I thought

I was the only one

in my class without 

a wonderful dad.

imagine those headlines:

     "First disappointing father

      found in Indiana. President

      to request full investigation."

His notable absence

was his greatest gift.

Strange fruits, the apples

of his eye, me and

an inconvenient half-sister

whose first name is all I know.

That and a handful of prison visits

so I know how to act 

for prison guard

and criminal alike

and how to barely flinch

at the inevitable - when they try

to hold my shaking hand.

June 14th, 2024

Today would've been her birthday.

      She would've been 37.

I remember because Flag Day

      and she was so patriotic.

But it's not her birthday anymore

      And she won't turn 37.

Where is her country now

       when the solder is down?

things that spread

    peanut butter on toast
my legs in any chair
 
    at a table, a lovely spread
that catchy summer tune
 
    cops who yell “stop & spread it!”
germs, gossip, lies, & news
 
    wildfires in california
according to the news
 
    arms with five-foot spread
an anxiety rash on my hand

    tired girls spread eagle
invasive ivy up a fence
 
    a heavy, floral bedspread
on our king-size bed
 
     myself, spread too thin
and my love for you.

ode to my husband who cooked dinner tonight

ode to my husband who cooked dinner tonight

dirtied all four cutting boards

burnt the squash

spilled flour on the floor

somehow got butter on the door

and at the end of the meal,

though he cooked dinner,

it was he who reached over,

he who held my hand, 

and he who said 

"Thank you, my love."

when I had thought

I had done nothing.

a walk during lunch

thinking about my jealousy

for man I don't wanna meet

fisherman reeling in a catch

out a man-made cement pond

so, he got some of your time

why does it gnaw at me so?

look! male ducks fighting 

must be such a hard life

covet what? not like I could
offer better than he would

pond fountain stirs algae

air smells green like envy

my life isn't welcoming
of time to take or to give

a wet and empty backpack

on a well-manicured lawn

probably should change

wearing red shiny shoes

mirrored window buildings

for only staff; no kids inside

a sunny hour not wasted

I spent the time with me

honey, who does it better?

    Honestly,

    how does it feel

  when your 

       grown man

       ex boyfriend 

       soulmate

       second rate

  is trying

        so hard 

        so poorly

              to copy 

                  me?

for me,

      it feels fucking great.