no more nevermore oh no stop please stop i'm done

"No more!"

            I cry out.

        I must cry out

I must be the one

    to stop this thing...

[you don't even know we in]

I cannot. 

I cannot read another 

    sweet word you penned.
I cannot see another 

    sweet picture of your face.

I cannot hear 

    another hot minute of your voice.

        I am consumed by

                 my consumption

    of all things you,

I gorge myself and

the edges of my hand blur with

    the morsels you 

        allow drop into my cage.

the life I built up over years-

    thrown aside

    an old discarded toy

just how you would toss me away

        if I confided these feelings

so into the bog I goes

or else I'd eat myself alive.

loving you was easy too

Loving you was 

         to rip off my toe nails

   and soak my feet 

                 in your lemon juice

    then pretend it was 

                 lemonade and

          sugar cookies

     while I cried 

 and you yelled at me

                to stop my dumb tears.

happy birthday, you who blossom sentimental

To Gwyn on her birthday ...

Today as the Earth bursts forth

    in a grateful flood of pink petals

    and springs eternal praise that you live

        another year, another day, another breath-

I wish
    only one gift but it's not mine to give
            only yours to take
                Take life by the horns

with handlebar grip 

    wrestle it down

        shoehorn your way in

every space is your space.

No "toe the line"

step on their fucking toes.

shoes with blood from your heels

    grind 'em into ground.

 

You are right to trust your guts

(don't spill them) 

wrap your guts blanket tight

No guts.

No glory. 

Know your guts.

Know your glory.

Every bath

holy water 

    in your wake. 

baptize in the real knowledge:

 not just a kid
    not just another kid
        not just a weird kid
            not just a sentimental kid
                not just a 'here's looking at you, kid.'
not just valentine tinted water puddled, but
               Arthurian legend, Lady of the Lake, EMERGE

from the dark of your brain and

shake off the water, shake off the tears, 

the vibes are not off, you are a higher frequency. 

Behold!
            You are a whole universe unto yourself.
what you sense is their fear
    let the little boys shake and quake
and sink in their own insecurities

-let them drown.

 

every boy fumbles, at mercy of a Queen,

and dreams to lower her down.

every mortal tries to catch an angel, 

you must fly faster than they can run.

we are such little birds

What if we had mirrored desires

reflecting each other like hummingbirds

peering into the smooth 

              water surface

              of a bird bath.

Hovering silver.

             We are silver.

My face.

             Your face.

I blink.

             You blink.

We both miss it

     our closed lids

don't know we are in sync.

Touch?

      What if we touched-
  through the silver glass

can sliding doors caress

passing by each other in

       perfect symmetry

twins together, twin apart,

screeching aligned in time in space

you hoot at the moon 

       so I know you're alive

stick a wing in the water

      ruffle my feathers

a mating dance

      See My Ritual

Slipping,

      Slipping,

           Slipping off my perch.

Physics cannot save me now;

I am as wet as the day I hatched.

 

reality shifting with the full moon

Too old for it to be schizophrenia

             though entirely possible with my genes-

Yet my heartache for her could only

be taunting visions, hallucinations,

tormenting my tattered mind.

Again, alone in silent fight

[visions be damned]

my demon just her sweet

pinkie toe in my mouth.

This little piggy went crazy 

              wee wee wee 

              all the way to my home

              to her grave

              I must go.

my haunted tongue can barely speak.

fate of zoo animals in Berlin, 1945.

Even in my dreams some magazine says

   to pray for my enemies

why am i expected to be the bigger man

       when i was born a girl?

womenfolk

Girlhood was never sugar and spice

nor everything nice. It was gore and violence.

Ring around the rosey was about death.

Just girls night out 

     cut off a man's head, then meet in the night,

     drive them quietly mad - with our silence -

Pin them againist each other.

     The Trojan War. Cleopatra.

           Taj Mahal. 

For our next trick, 

watch us bleed every month

a baby boy is born, chaos magick.

See a little girl will catch a bug, 

      hold it close, kiss it,

      and watch it die in a jar.

Crying her friend is gone,

     having set it all into motion.

Write each man

a letter in my menses

painfully frought.

Just with the taste of iron

     flowing freely out of me,

I could forge a thousand swords

      and fight everyone of you. 

      But I dont.

Cause Womanhood has the horror

you'll never know, cowards puffed up.

While we wear a thorny crown, call it fashion.