numb

Show me the evolution tree; I need to see

the branch where the DNA mangled back.

Point at the name, the hominoid grunt,

where it all circled back to make me like this.

I could be something, not much, but something,

alive in my fantasies, daydreams, gnat,

crosseyed, it's double vision of life, fiberglass,

both reality and the vast dreamscape.

I want to have paper cut vulnerability

and casual friend's of silk lace threads.

But I am walking on thick disco snow

not leaving a single foot print mark.

 

Not disappear, nor die, or unalive,

as if it's too terrible to die, as if (laugh)

It hasn't been done before by everyone.

Unalive is real but it isn't death.

Breathe, walk, talk, pay bills, snacks

for Joey's soccer. There's a being unalive,

sitting next to you right now, worse

than the death guaranteed, so let's die.

But first- LIVE! Be alive. Bite the orange.

Suck out the juice. Let it dribble down chin.

Feel the sticky hands and sugar, savor.

Eat the bits under your nails, LiVe! 

(Whispered)

I want a pill.

I need a pill.

I took a pill.

To numb those mitochondria emotions

Which I needed to feel. I needed my emotions.

Tears salve to my sunburnt mitochondria.

DNA strands hair-maze. It's not a line.

Climb the branches, drill down in the earth,

turning corners till I find right where and when

my blood and and and my cells were infected

with fear to face life as it really is, not blended.