running from prison mail

Prison

       Mail

    in my mother's hand

seen

    from feet away

        printed return address

inmate number 

    hand written

        below.

big red stamp

    on the back

a blessing or curse

    I never know:

"This correspondence

passed inspection"

inside 

    the standard paper

        why is prison paper different?

not college ruled nor wide ruled

    nor blank copy paper, 

        some in-between

thicker than copy paper

    printed lines

        not quite straight

            not quite clean.

nothing to do in here

but write, workout, read, 

or watch TV.

    So, He's working out

        hours each days.

He is concerned I ate

    two candy bars last visit.

{The only vending machine bribe
    my mom could find to coax me thru
the metal detecting and body search}

in the margin

    He draws me at 500 pounds

word bubble pops out

"But my daddy still loves me."

Daddy,

    something I would never call him

        no matter my weight or age.

He is going to quit smoking,

    get his college degree, and

He is working out, 

    and when he gets out

I should be ready.

    I have two years to prepare.

He writes, I should ask my mom

    to pace out a mile in her car

so I can start to run it and train.

Because in two years when he's out,

    and I'm 12 and 

he's 'just an old geezer'-

We will have a foot race

    And I better win.

It doesn't fall softly

    no lighthearted chuckle at end

not the friendly competition

        in which two get stronger and closer

This is a threat.

I am a child, but I know

    why he is in there

my mother told me

        his defense in court

A seven year old girl

    [I once knew and liked]

        Chased him down

    Held him down

            It wasn't his fault

    till he entered
the plea agreement
entered the prison

there's a program for inmates

    like him 

        like witness protection

    in prison

even his criminal peers

    want him dead.

Must I outrun him

    for my protection

        or his own?

Me, a child with the weight,

    the 500 lbs of burden

        to never be a victim

And outrun us both

So I must always be Stronger

    Faster, 

        Thinner, 

            Fitter,

Before he catches up

    And his toxic 'daddy love' 

                is all I have left.