one 16-year-old oversized notorious b.i.g. long tee when I asked for snoop dogg (or at least west coast rapper)

Funny this shirt should give up

through an armpit hole reaching 

                                        my hip

        a week after you marry

    this shirt you gifted me

            a birthday gift

        I wore and we drank

said it was a party for my birthday

    but we partied almost everyday.

I'm not sad you've married

        -I've done it twice and 

    twice as eccentric, each time

so I know what it's about.

But the girl I tried to be for you,

    inside me, she rots

like a popular sitcom character

        played by a child actor

        but decades down the line

when the familiarity no longer

            hides the stunted pang

    leaves a hunger in the gut

    my biome gets fucked

   i am fucked (you didn't like)

but more likely you didn't like me,

a jersey waded up in mildew

                    pile on the floor

Spray me down with Axe, then

       Old Spice, those ads really got to 

you, the boy you tried to be for me

     inside you, he rots too.

This shirt is cloth strips

       won't last a wash

    put it in the compost

        with leaves and menstrual blood,

            egg shells and food scraps.

In weeks it will be be rich and black

        and feed my garden veggies

    I'll eat up these objects 'du toi'

        in salad and dinner sides

delight that everything stays something

        there is no nothing,

                     no gone,

just new forms, 

                        if you look hard

a birthday gift is sauteed and served

            with an evening meal

eaten with second husband.

while the shirt wasn't even what I asked for that birthday,

it is 100% cotton and compostable

    -ce qui me détruit me nourrit.