hip opener.

Mother, how you boasted

         I could read two grades up

       -high reading comprehension

unbearable mother wound.

so I could read
    between the lines.

      subtextual mother tongue
primordial screams

               silent beneath

everything you said to me.

"Being pregnant destroyed my body."

    a sexy,
        tight body is more important
than every breath I'll take.

"Having you made me pro-choice."

    meeting me was too much
         you would abort me
and save any woman from
    the likes of me.

"You can't care for every stray you find."

        you couldn't care
    for the one life you bore.

"Here's cab fare to get to therapy."

    easier to pay two people
        just to avoid talking to me.

"Being with women is a hard life; try to stick to men."

    even real love isn't worth a challenge
repress what you want for the easiest life
        the most acceptable lie.

"Having a baby will ruin your life."

         I ruined your life.

            [and I would do it again and worse]

"You remember wrong.
                            We didn't see your father that much."

        somehow you believe
   the acceptable number of times
  for a child to visit a convicted molester isn't zero.

"He knows he can't go into your room."

    you knew he was a danger to me

        but invited him in the house anyway

          did he pinkie promise he wouldn't rape your daughter?
          and was that really e-fucking-nough for you?
          [obviously it was - because I was overreacting...still am]

"You're crying so loud I can't fucking think."

             no matter how long
        or how loud I screamed

   you weren't gonna hear

"Knowing everything I know now, I'd do it all the same."

    that cancer that killed you was
        the rage I didn't get around to metabolize
    and it was born the day you said that 

            that day.

and the leftovers have lived tight in my hips    

                ever since.