Diet Culture (12/F/USA in 1999)

I know—  

during Friends

(laugh track, Central Perk,  

Ross whining)—  

Jennifer Aniston  

ate the same salad  

every day.  

bulgur.  

cucumbers.  

chickpeas.  

feta.  

control.  

discipline.  

a body that doesn’t complain.

I never liked the show.  

Still, I carried that fact  

like gospel in my bones  

since age twelve—  

before I had bones, really,  

just cartilage and shame.  

[glass of water]

I knew Calista’s numbers.  

Angelina’s.  

Sarah Michelle’s.  

Flockhart: 5'7", 98 lbs.  

(I could recite it like a prayer  

or a curse.) 

Learned the stats—
foods that burned more
than they gave—

Some glitchy website.  

Some pixelated authority.  

I believed every byte.  

[another glass of water]

And Britney—  

abs in six moves.  

Every day.  

Easy.  

Just ten minutes.

I tore the page out.  

Tried on the carpet.  

Quit somewhere between  

bicycles and V-ups.  

I called it laziness.  

I called it failure.  

But really—  

I just wasn't ready to disappear  

the way I had been sold.