death

Put an ear to my chest—

hear my heartbeat?

Will I die like my grandfather

and two aunts,

a heart that suddenly gives out

when you’re too young?

But at least it’s fast.

Ask my heart its plans.

Tell me what it says.

If it says it’ll stay strong,

I’ll know my fate is much worse—

cancer, which slowly gnaws away at organs

until they can’t sustain life anymore,

like my mother, and her mother,

and her mother before her.

Which organ do you think

it will start in? Perhaps the liver,

or pancreas, or breast. Too many organs

to find my Judas within.

I’m so terrified of death,

but more scared

I don’t know how to live.