reality check

I haven’t been sleeping well. I keep waking up in the middle of the night—though honestly, the waking up is normal. It has been for over a year. What’s new is not getting back to sleep. Now I have an hour of being alert, fully awake, unable even to lie in bed and pretend. So I sit in the living room, on my phone or reading.

Last night, at 2 a.m., I wondered why this might be happening. Maybe the new medication I’m taking. Maybe the new moon in Capricorn. Maybe it’s because you’re awake too—I know because I see the green dot hovering above the circular profile picture of your face on Instagram. ACTIVE. Like me.

But that can’t be it. That’s a ridiculous thought. I’m consciously trying to live in reality. I know you stay up late all the time. It couldn’t be that, because my sleep disturbance is new.

I google the medication. Goddamn—restlessness and sleep disturbance are listed as side effects. I knew it. I swear I never doubted it. It would have been the New Moon before it was you.