Lately, I have spent too much time thinking about paying women for intimacy.
Like I could, unironically, join an incel group.
Like I may actually be the only female victim of the male loneliness epidemic.
Like this is a slippery slope you couldn't see coming.
Only two or three years ago, I fantasized about what felt like a reasonable, attainable future.
At first, it was women I knew. I imagined that after years of easy acquaintance, we might awaken to sweet, passionate, romantic feelings. But always there was the creeping fear—because I know this path. It only leads to losing a friend and never gaining a lover.
Eventually, my thoughts smoldered down to something smaller: the idea that maybe, someday, in some far-off future, I might find a woman, a stranger, who liked me as much as I liked her.
That it would click—comfortably. Easily.
But that feels increasingly unlikely. How many rejections would I face until that mythic, unicorn woman appeared?
And now I find myself turning over thoughts of how to simply hire someone.
God, it would make everything so much easier!
Like hiring a masseuse, or a personal trainer, or a private chef.
The cleanness of the transaction. I’m so fucked in the head.
The waitress always takes your order. The maid always cleans your kitchen.
Easy. Comfortable. It clicks. That’s what I want.
It’s professional. It’s simple.
After all, haven’t I always preferred the easy, simple way—something that stays neatly within professional boundaries? Predictable professionalism.
Yes, a best friend will defend you. But a lawyer will also fight your case as long as the retainer is paid.
Probably even better than a friend would. Without hesitation.
With no chance of a “no.”
No no's. A world without no's. I've longed for that for a long time.
I’m slipping into logic—such logical logic that it’s frightening.
Ideas like paying someone to never say no.
Logic like fearing rejection so much that I might ignore a no.
It's terri-fucking-fying to sympathize with men this much.
But also, take a few moments, think about how much it would take per hour, for you to let me hold you.
Brush your hair. Maybe make out. Sleep next to me in bed. How much per "I love you," slipping out of your mouth? I'm just taking estimates right now.
No pressure.
How much would it cost for you to not say no to this?
Just something to think about.
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