I'm crying and need to sleep,
sail off into the sea, the TV
stand and screen cast a whale tail
shadow on the ceiling, I circle inner
monologues of desperation, anger,
sadness, depth and breadth of words
my brain thinks at night but mouth won't
say by day. Not for lack of want or will,
but ability. Instead, I take a pill,
I pray for sleep and know in a week,
I won't need to say a thing, my absence enough.
I focus on the ceiling shadows, the big splashing tail,
And I am again, as a child, at the zoo,
where I gazed up the larger than life,
fiberglass whale tail in the dolphin exhibit, wishing
they had a whale so big in the tank, today, grown,
I don't wish any of the animals to be there,
pacing back and forth and waiting for foods and activities, enriching so they say.
Like the orca grinding it's teeth down
Bloody, on its cement tank,
I pick my bleeding skin, I am captive, bored,
and lonely too.
And like the tiger,
I, too, pace back and forth,
a skull cage and thought loops.
I just want sleep.
Grateful, that my freedom comes soon
a blessing many don't get.
